Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
