the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
