sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
