the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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