I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
