Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
