I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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