remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
