I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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