69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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