You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
