i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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