omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
