HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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