I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
