Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
