Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
