Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just pee around me
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
