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so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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