Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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