i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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