Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
