actually, I'm a sock model
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
