nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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