Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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