you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
