don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
There are leaves in my underwear?
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