College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
