sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
