Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
