Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The Olympian is in my bed
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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