My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
