I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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