hotel room ftw
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
