she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
