After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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