Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
