Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
