I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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