well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
