found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
