Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
