I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
