So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
