i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My dick has a subreddit
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
