so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
