this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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