The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
