We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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