i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
