Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
