I didn't shave. On purpose
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm at about main and main street
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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