Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
